Men: Middle Age Is Trying to Kill You
All right, what’s up? I’m going to talk about exercise—particularly for middle-aged men.
At 50, people tell me I look 40. Nice now, but that was less fun when I was 18 and looked 8.
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Here’s how vanity, midlife crisis math, and a personal trainer in Bali teamed up to save my life:
I didn’t get my first kiss until I was 17—same year I got my driver’s license. I realized I needed that license to get girls to places where I could kiss them. Whole other story.
(We’re middle-aged now; we’ve got so many stories!)
Like the time I went to see The Jesus and Mary Chain at Bogart’s in Cincinnati. Blew my eardrum out. Flashing lights, pure chaos. Probably why I get migraines now—thanks, Jesus and Mary Chain!
What the hell. But let’s get back to exercise.
The most important thing I’ve done in the last 20 years? That was meeting my wife and holding onto the marriage because she’s amazing.
But in the most important thing I did in the last five years? Not becoming a meth addict.
Beyond that… starting to work out with a personal trainer!
The Midlife Crisis Wake-Up Call
I hired a personal trainer after I realized I was in a midlife crisis.
I did have a quarter-life crisis. I’ve had multiple crises in my life, and that’s another story for my therapist. But I was having this midlife crisis. I realized: okay, I’m getting old.
The common stuff kicks in—like, “Maybe I’ve already lived more years than I’m gonna live.”
Let’s be honest, guys don’t live that long. I’d love to live to 100. Then right now I’d only be slightly more than halfway! But I could die at 75 or 80.
We have some control over that. Also my vanity kicked up when I realized: oh, I’m not always gonna look young.
That might’ve happened for you in your forties. If you were a football player and maybe the testosterone burned all your hair off when you were 35 or whatever, you started dealing with this stuff then—good for you.
But I didn’t. I was like puer aeternus—that means “eternal youth,” but it sounds like poo. That’s not a good thing.
And so I was like: I still wanna look good, you know, for younger women. Cause the cliché thing is, “Man, if I could get a younger woman.” It’s a dumb instinct.
And BTW, it’s not so much that their taste changed- it’s more like guys always have wanted a 25-35 year old woman (probably the evolutionary programming to find a viable child-rearer), it’s just that many men, because of unrealistic confidence (and isn’t all confidence kind of unrealistic?), don’t realize the age difference age is a problem.
Maybe it’s not if they’re still stuck at an emotional maturity of 25…
Fortunately, I love my wife. She’s super hot. I think she’s beautiful. I think she’s cute. I think she’s amazing. She’s interesting. She’s funny—mainly ’cause I’ve taught her to be funny, but anyway, that’s actually true. And yeah she’s aging well, too, but I also find certain things about her super attractive regardless of a few wrinkles.
REGARDLESS, you do wanna look attractive. It’s actually good for life, business, and success. People like it when you’re traditionally attractive—there’s no arguing that. Science has done research: being traditionally attractive in some way is an advantage. And there are even YouTube videos that teach you how to look more like that…
But those only help so much if you’re 300 (non-bodybuilder) pounds and get winded on stairs.
The one thing you really have control over there is exercise and diet— your favorite topic!
Trust me, I’m not going to say the same old crap about it.
My Sugar-Loaded Detour
I’ll admit I’ve never been that overweight. I was, one time, for a while. I thought I might be depressed and a psychiatrist put me on an SSRI.
I got on it and thought: oh, I can work so much!
But while I’m working, I also get these cravings- I start drinking a 12-pack of Coke a day.
“Tastes great! So much energy! So much… belly.”
I got a little fat.
Then I stopped with the sugar. Probably one of the most important things I’ve done in the last 20 years—besides loving my wife—is not drinking sugar drinks.
Some people lose 50-100 pounds just from cutting out soft drinks.
It makes a big difference.
And it’s your mood too. The rollercoaster of the sugar high and the crash—it’s horrible.
I want my mood to always be good. I wanna either be excited or chilling out—succeeding, creating, or just feeling like: yeah, things are good.
I don’t want the rollercoaster where I hate life and people because I haven’t had a Coke or a cigarette in an hour.
That’s stupid.
It’s like quitting smoking—sure, it’ll kill you slowly, but also you’re killing your daily mood with the emotional swings of addiction.
Here’s the most important health question you can ask yourself:
Are there ways in which I’m currently killing myself slowly because I’ve given up on life?
What did I give up on? Why?
How could I renew my interest and find new joy and motivation to start running toward those goals?
What would make that easier?
There’s A Lazy Person Inside of You Who Wants to Kill You
Entropy means things fall apart.
It’s a law of physics. One of the laws of thermodynamics—don’t ask me which number.
It’s amazing our planet holds itself together out in space, surrounded by the entropy of nothingness, cold, and death.
Everything we do is either creating structure, maintaining structure, or fighting against entropy—the tendency toward chaos, loss, destruction, death.
Or we give up, and it overtakes us.
The older we get, the less our body is like
“Let’s create something so we can reproduce!”
And more like
“Eh, I guess I’ll stay alive for these people or whatever, but I’m tired. My posture sucks. I’d rather watch TV.”
That’s entropy. And we get to fight against it.
And by the way, cold is not a thing. It’s the absence of heat.
Heat is a thing.
GUT CHECK: How can you get more heat into your life, personality, and goals?
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The Sunshine Trainer
I was never really a sports guy. I rock-climbed, but that was it.
As a kid I was too small for a lot of sports. Tried gymnastics but was afraid I’d break my neck doing a front flip into the foam pit. Anxious, scared, incapable.
I used my brain to float above other people, and that worked for a long time. Til the midlife crisis.
Then I started thinking: “Oh, I’m going to age. Oh, I’m gonna die. I don’t wanna look like that bent over old guy. Look at his neck! I don’t wanna look like that. I wanna look erect!”
(Get your mind out of the gutter.)
A friend of mine—a big personal growth type—had a childhood friend who’s a personal trainer. She’s super enthusiastic.
That’s what I need, because I can be cynical and grumpy (Hey, Gen X).
I need rays of sunshine in my life: my wife, certain friends, and this trainer.
Marina is not just excited about life—she’s excited while she’s in Bali for a month and making me do four sets.
“Just two more. You can do it. I believe in you. You have it in you.”
That’s what I’m paying for. Because without it? I’d be slowly dying faster.
It’s money we could spend or invest elsewhere.
But I wouldn’t have worked out two or three times a week for a year and a half if we weren’t paying for this.
Sometimes you gotta invest in yourself.
The Point Is: Do Hard Stuff
I’ve learned—Huberman talks about this, David Goggins talks about this, and probably people for thousands of years have talked about this—
It’s good to do difficult stuff.
We’re built to thrive on challenges.
What all women want in a man: a huge brain with gigantic biceps! That one was for the tech bros. Yes, I’m making fun of you.
Your brain has a muscle for change that can atrophy. It’s called neuroplasticity. It’s literally your mental ability to adapt.
We live in an era where stuff’s changing faster than ever.
If you can’t adapt, you’re in trouble. You fall behind in life, work, and health.
Plus, the more you resist adaptation, the more pain you get.
LIFE CHECK…
Almost all older folks experience some kind of pain.
I’d rather have soreness from working out than pain from never moving! The first one means growth. The second means decline and death.
What about you? Which do you want?
Physics Again: Momentum
Inertia—another law of physics. An object at rest stays at rest. That’s me watching Netflix.
An object in motion stays in motion. You’ve gotta get into motion and stay there.
There’s a concept called the flywheel.
Think of a 10-speed bike—it’s hard to get going at first. But as you shift gears, you’re moving faster with the same or less effort.
Sometimes you get to coast downhill, sometimes you grind uphill. When you’ve already got momentum, going uphill is easier. (Truckers use this to their advantage in their driving. Imagine if they also did that in exercise.)
That’s what doing some difficult stuff does.
It makes everything else easier.
Practical Stuff
Hire a trainer if you can. If not, buy weights and put them by the couch. Lift while you watch Netflix.
There’s also the “bell of mindfulness” in Buddhism. You hear a bell, you remember to be aware. Anything can be your bell. Set an alarm that goes off every hour—stand up and do 10 squats.
It sounds silly, but our bodies were meant to farm, hunt, move. If we don’t use them, they stop working.
We’re not talking Olympic-level ability here.
We’re talking “get off the floor when you’re 60,” and “stand up without a special chair.”
Decline is inevitable, but a lot of times, we get to choose how much decline and when.
Accountability and Vanity
Accountability partners can work—if your person actually does hold you accountable.
If you’re both lazy, forget it. You won’t hold them accountable because you don’t want them to hold you accountable!
Sometimes I’ll turn the shower to cold just because I don’t want to. That’s how you train yourself to do the thing you don’t want to do.
Yeah, vanity motivates me. If people might think I look in shape, great. And if that helps me die slower instead of faster, I’m in.
The Real Question
When you’re middle-aged, the most important question isn’t “What do you want to do?” It’s “What quality of life do you want?”
Is that last 10 years gonna suck, full of surgeries and doctor visits? Or will you still be enjoying life?
Get realistic. Get moving.
Fight entropy. Build momentum.
If you’re already doing some of this—good.
Pat yourself on the back. Keep going. Raise the bar.
If not, get off your ass!
Now, tell me: what’s working for you? What’s your goal?
Let’s talk in the comments:
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Crazy Good: Think better. Feel deeper. Live smarter. is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.